


Easy to Say

by ladysche



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5330744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladysche/pseuds/ladysche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s better to have loved and lost, than never at all, right? He’s running out of time to tell him. But that doesn’t make it any easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy to Say

“I’m dying.”   
  
The smile was still on his lips as Sinbad spoke those words. “What are you talking about, Sin? That isn’t a very funny joke.” It  _had_  to be a joke.   
  
“I’m not joking,” came the easy reply, vibrant hair swaying as he shook his head. He really was too perfect. Ja'far could hardly stand to look at him sometimes. It was like looking directly into the sun– you could go blind.   
  
But now he had trouble looking at Sinbad for a completely different reason. His eyes were fixed on the cracks in the sidewalk, counting how many were in between himself and his dearest friend.   
  
He’d never told him how he felt. Not really. There had been times where he had tried. The night the car broke down in the middle of nowhere, and they slept under the stars… He’d glanced over at Sinbad, opened his mouth and–   
  
It didn’t matter now anyway. “You can’t be serious… How? Why?” Ja'far always was a rational creature. He needed answers, explanations, numbers. Anything to make sense of what Sinbad was telling him.   
  
“Heart defect,” he replied, as if he were talking about a flu bug that he’d get over in a few days. He should be more upset. Why was he so calm? “I’ve had it for… well, all my life. My mom died when I was a kid because of the same thing, you know.”   
  
Ja'far had known that much. But he never thought about the fact that what she had could be hereditary. It hadn’t occurred to him. Or maybe, maybe he just didn’t want to think about that possibility. It had always seemed so remote, the risk of losing Sin. And now that he was faced with it, he wanted nothing more than to run away.   
  
“Surgery,” he spoke up, finding his mouth suddenly very dry. He swallowed hard before elaborating. “Medicine has improved since then. If it was caught soon enough I’m sure–”  
 "Ja'far… it’s not something that can be fixed. Not unless they can find a new heart for me.“ He flashed his brightest grin, unusually cheerful given the subject matter. "I’m pretty low on the waiting list, though. I prefer it that way. Some kid who hasn’t gotten a chance to live yet deserves it more than me.”   
  
No. No… How could he say that? How could he act as though he’d lived long enough already? Ja'far couldn’t stand it. He  _hated_  the way Sinbad was talking. His fists clenched, then relaxed. He’d always had anger problems, worked hard for years on strategies to cope. But now all of that was going down the drain. If he could… he’d give up his own heart for Sinbad to live on. But he couldn’t. Couldn’t do anything. And that made him angrier than he’d been his entire life.   
And once again, Ja'far was opening his mouth, and no words were coming out. What was there to say?   
  
Then he heard the sound of feet shuffling toward him, felt a hand resting on his shoulder. “Ja'far…? Ja'far, are you alright?” Of course he was alright, Sinbad was the one who was–   
  
Wait… when had he fallen to the ground? Without even realizing it, his legs had collapsed under the weight of his own body, and he was on his knees, shaking and crying.  _Damn…_  “I’m fine.” He could feel SInbad’s eyes on him, filled with worry and concern. That wasn’t right. It was supposed to be the other way around. Ja'far was going to live on, after all…   
  
“It’s not like I’m dying today or tomorrow,” Sinbad said, his voice softer now, his hand lightly squeezing Ja'far’s shoulder. “I don’t know when it’ll happen. But… I wanted you to know.”   
  
Wanted him to know? So why… why couldn’t Ja'far tell him? He wanted Sinbad to know. And now, now he couldn’t put it off any longer. Because he never knew when it would be too late. “Sin, I–”   
  
“Shh,” Sinbad murmured softly. “I know, Ja'far. I know.”   
  
Tear-filled eyes went wide, and Ja'far wasn’t sure whether it was out of fear or surprise. “You know? But I never told you. How could you–”   
  
“How could I know? Well, how do you think I’ve felt all these years?” he asked, letting out a laugh. “I know because I feel the same way.”   
  
And now Ja'far was angry again, punching Sin’s chest before he could stop himself. And, oh, he did stop himself. Pulled his hand back and covered his own mouth in shock of his actions. “I’m sorry!”   
  
Sinbad only laughed again. Ah, his laugh was like music. How could one man be so perfect? “I’m not going to break from a weak punch like that!”   
  
Well, that did it. Another few punches and Ja'far was satisfied, and the both of them were laughing, sitting on the ground in the middle of the street. Two grown men acting like children.   
  
“You should’ve said something, idiot!” Ja'far huffed, wiping away the last of his tears. “I’ve been afraid to all these years…”   
  
“Me too.” Yes, he had been scared. Because if he admitted to loving someone, then he’d have to be alright with leaving them one day. “I’m sorry you had to fall for someone like me.”   
  
“Don’t say that,” Ja'far snapped, finally looking directly into the other’s eyes. “Don’t. Isn’t that how the old saying goes? Better to have loved and lost than never loved?”   
  
Now it was Sinbad’s turn to cry. Ja'far wasn’t sure he’d ever  _seen_  him cry before. “I love you. I really do. I always have, and I always will.”   
  
Ja'far moved to wrap his arms around Sin, finally daring to kiss him. His lips were even softer than he’d imagined, though he couldn’t help but notice the taste of alcohol on the other, something that had never been present in his fantasies. Ah well. Things never were quite as you imagined them. “I love you too, Sin…”   
  
It was only a few weeks before his heart finally failed. Half of that time was spent in bed. But Ja'far always stayed by his side. Just as he always had. When he was gone, Ja'far didn’t even know where to stand anymore. Sinbad had always been there. Ever since he was a child. To learn everything over again.. to learn how to walk on his own… it was hard. Harder even than he’d thought it would be. It hurt everyday. But then he remembered that night, and he couldn’t help but laugh.   
  
“I love you, Sin…”   
  
And finally, it was easy to say. 


End file.
